I’ve got to be honest, it’s not exactly a family thing.
I don’t want to be the one who goes into my dad’s closet and says, “I’ll buy this shirt because I’m a bigfoot fan.”
But it’s one of the things I’m trying to do.
I’m getting him to buy a Big Foot shirt, too.
And that’s because Big Foot is a real thing.
Big Foot, of course, is a big, hairy, hairy ape.
I was born with the rare condition, called homing syndrome, which means my mother was born around the same time as my father.
He was about 10 when he started to be big and hairy.
I’ve always wondered how he became so big and so hairy.
When I was in the preschool years, I’d play with my friends and I would make a big ape.
We’d hide in the woods and play, and I’d go back and forth between the house and the woods, and eventually we’d be in the trees and I was scared.
And then my mom came home and my dad was sitting on the porch.
My mom was like, “Where is he?”
And my dad said, “He’s gone.”
And he was like that for about a year, but then I started noticing that I could hear him.
He’d be coming out of the woods.
And I would have to run away from him.
I’d get scared, I was a little scared, and my mom was worried, and we had to keep her in the house.
But I always told her that I just had to get away.
And my mom had always been my best friend, and she always took care of me.
And she would go out there and play with us, and then my dad would come out, and he would be like, hey, look, mommy is out there.
And he would always come out and watch me play.
So we were always there for each other.
But one day, my mom said, there’s something I really want to talk to you about.
She said, You know, my dad is a really big ape, and you know, I’ve seen him.
And so I went back to my house and I said, I want to see him.
She’s like, I’ll see you, but I’m not sure if I can come out.
And the next day, I walked outside, and there was this big ape standing over there.
So I got out and I got on the phone to my dad, and after a while, I got a phone call from my dad.
He said, Hey, Dad, I’m here.
And as soon as he got on his phone, he said, Dad.
My dad is on the line.
And after a minute or so, he called me back and he said that my mom’s on the other line.
I said to my mom, what’s up?
And he said he’s just got to go.
He’s got a little bit of time.
And like a minute later, I went over to his house.
And it was dark.
I didn’t see my dad there, but my mom did.
And all of a sudden, my mother’s voice is saying, dad, dad!
And she said, my name is Ellie.
And now my dad knows that I’m home.
And his voice is like, oh, mom, dad.
And just as soon he got out of his house, he came running down the street.
And they were right behind him.
My mother’s eyes were wide open, and they were like, Dad!
My dad was running down a long street, and suddenly, he was right behind me.
He started running, and the whole time he was running, he ran on a little treadmill.
And one of his feet just hit the side of my head, and it hit my ear.
I can still hear it now.
And at that point, I thought, I don- I don